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Recycle your ex

Bin your ex-partner in an eco-friendly way and get free prosecco this Valentine's Day
Recycle your ex

Rubbish removal company has come up with a genius solution to help you get rid of the ghosts of relationships past: a Valentine’s Day special ex-partner waste collection scheme.

‘When you’ve gone through a bad breakup, binning their stuff can be cathartic to help you move on, which is why we are on hand to help you get rid of the ex’, explains spokesman Mark Hall. ‘Plus, as a Valentine’s special, we will even provide you with prosecco and chocolates – our gift to you!’

The post-relationship purge

The end of a relationship can be incredibly emotional, and being surrounded by things you associate with your ex can make matters much worse.

In fact, romantic breakups can be so bad, one psychological study found that you can experience symptoms of bereavement, sleep disturbances and a range of mental health problems including intrusive thoughts.

So what can you do with all the stuff from your post-relationship purge?

Before you make like Rachel, Monica and Phoebe from Friends and nearly set fire to your flat with an ex-boyfriend bonfire, is offering Valentine’s waste collections for you to finally rid the bad breakup energy from your life.

‘Basically, call us up and we will come round and collect your ex-partner’s stuff and take it away for you, no questions asked. Bonfires are bad. Let us recycle your ex instead!’

MARK HALL spokesperson

From photos to underwear

Things will collect and dispose of for you include (but are not limited to):

  • Photos of your ex
  • Sexy underwear
  • Toothbrushes and half-used toiletries
  • Old Fifa games
  • Gifts they gave you that you felt guilt-shamed into keeping, such as ridiculously oversized teddy bears
  • DVD boxsets and CD collections
  • Fridge magnets from all of the places you travelled together
  • The pillow they slept on and dribbled into every night

‘We will get rid of anything you don’t want from your past relationships in an environmentally conscious way, by donating reusable items to charity and recycling the rest.

‘Although used sexy underwear would count as hazardous waste and will need to be properly disposed of.’

MARK HALL spokesperson

Divert promises to come to your door with a quick, easy, and fully licensed waste collection service that will give you the peace of mind that all remnants of your ex are gone for good.

‘We will correctly dispose of all waste, so there will be no further disappointments for you in terms of fly-tipping notices or fines for you to pay’, Mike says. ‘Once all memories of your ex are out of the building, you can rest assured that you won’t have to face them again.’

As part of the Valentine’s Day special, all Divert customers will receive a gift such as prosecco, beer or flowers to help lift their spirits or celebrate the occasion.

‘We know it can be tough to finally let go of someone who was once such a huge part of your life, so we’re offering gifts to help you feel better.

‘Unless of course your ex was a terrible person, then you can use the gifts to celebrate saying good riddance.

‘So let us be your Valentine this year, and we can promise we won’t let you down.’

MARK HALL spokesperson

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